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No More Faking Fine: Ending the Pretending, by Esther Fleece
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If you’ve ever been given empty clichés during challenging times, you know how painful it can feel to be misunderstood by well-meaning people. Far too often, it seems the response we get to our hurt and disappointment is to suck it up, or pray it away.
But Scripture reveals a God who meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be.
No More Faking Fine is your invitation to get gut-level honest with God through the life-giving language of lament. Lament, a practice woven throughout Scripture, is a prayer that God never ignores, never silences, and never wastes. As author Esther Fleece says, “Lament is the unexpected pathway to true intimacy with God, and with those around us.”
Esther learned this the hard way, by believing she could shut down painful emotions that haunted her from a broken past she tried to forget on her fast track to success. But in silencing her pain, she robbed herself of the opportunity to be healed. Maybe you’ve done the same.
No More Faking Fine is your permission to lament—to give voice to the hurt, frustration, and disappointment you’ve kept inside and silenced for too long. Drawing from careful biblical study and hard-won insight, Esther reveals how to use God’s own language to draw closer to Him as He leads us through any darkness into His marvelous light.
- Sales Rank: #29044 in Books
- Brand: HarperCollins Christian Pub.
- Published on: 2017-01-10
- Released on: 2017-01-10
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.39" h x .63" w x 5.47" l, .45 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 224 pages
Features
- No More Faking Fine Ending the Pretending
Review
How we grieve is directly related to how we heal. Esther Fleece introduces the language of lament and argues persuasively that this is a prayer God never ignores. No More Faking Fine is a book for anyone wrestling with the unavoidable tension created when the faithful suffer. (Andy Stanley, communicator, author, and pastor)
For many of us, when someone asks how we’re doing, our automatic response is “fine”---even when we aren’t. Esther Fleece transparently shares her story of “faking fine” until she couldn’t anymore---and how God has brought emotional healing as she learned to stop pretending. This is an encouraging and helpful book. (Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family)
No More Faking Fine deepened and solidified my understanding of bringing God into every part of my life, especially when it comes to difficulties and grief. I know this will help heal, challenge, and encourage people wherever they are in life. This is such a needed book for our time! (Rachel Cruze, #1 New York Times bestselling author and personal finance expert)
In a culture full of facades, Esther Fleece unpacks the vital and overlooked role of honest lament in our complete healing from life’s harshest storms. No More Faking Fine leads us on a biblical yet scarcely traveled road, where God meets us in the midst of our deepest pain, in ways unlike any we could possibly experience in our greatest victories. (Benjamin Watson, National Football League tight end and author)
Esther Fleece exposes her personal pain to us in this book. She exposes what that pain did to distort her reality and shift her from truly trusting that God is near. Her pain forced her to the Scriptures, and the Scriptures exposed a way through the pain. This book is a gift to be led through the Word in this way---to be encouraged to give voice to our destructive thoughts and memories, to receive permission to let it all out to God. There is no judgment of our hurt or our painful experiences. All are worthy to be heard by God. Thank you, Esther, for sharing your story and teaching us to be free to lament. (Sarah and Matthew Hasselbeck, ESPN analyst and retired NFL quarterback)
Many days, it just feels easier to fake being fine. Esther Fleece’s powerful voice for lament, beautifully told through her splintered story, allures me into authenticity before God. She invites us to this ancient, yet out-of-fashion way and introduces another side of God to those of us who are hungry for more than those pat answers to what aches within our insides. (Sara Hagerty, author of Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet)
Esther Fleece’s powerful story encourages us to be honest to God and to each other. Life isn’t easy in a world under the curse, nor does God intend it to be. The poison of prosperity theology has set up countless Christians for disillusionment because they’ve been told they’re supposed to always be healthy, wealthy, successful, popular, and “just fine.” As Esther demonstrates, we need the authenticity of David and the prophets and Paul and, above all, Jesus, recognizing that God will be with us when our hearts are broken. He can infuse us with joy even when we are suffering. One day, God’s children will “live happily ever after.” Until that day comes, let’s give ourselves and each other permission to grieve and feel pain, loss, and discouragement. In other words, let’s quit faking fine so we can gladly embrace together the comfort of Jesus. (Randy Alcorn, founder and director of Eternal Perspective Ministries and author of Heaven and Happiness)
Esther Fleece writes an authentic and vulnerable book that we all need to read. Esther helps us to recover the language and practice of lament. This is for anyone who has been disappointed in life but is determined to overcome and live honestly and sincerely. (Brady Boyd, pastor of New Life Church, Colorado Springs, and author of Speak Life and Addicted to Busy)
I have walked with Jesus my entire adult life and never read anything so powerful calling us to lament. Esther Fleece is the real deal. Her life is a genuine lament of brokenness and celebration of God’s redemption. (Dr. Juli Slattery, president of Authentic Intimacy)
Esther Fleece is a gift to the church. No More Faking Fine is just the book many Christians need to understand the biblical call to lament. The only way out of the valley of sorrow is through the path of lament. Let Fleece be your guide on the journey to joy. (Phillip Bethancourt, executive vice president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission (ERLC))
Dear reader: This book is your permission. To hurt, to cry, to scream, to grieve, to feel. And on the other side of that lament is a journey more beautiful---and a God more near---than you could have ever imagined. (Allison Trowbridge, author of Twenty-Two)
I need this book. We need this book. We are a people who live in a world of increasing virtual reality, honing to a fine art the wearing of masks. God is calling us, through the tragedy of Esther Fleece’s story, to a contrite and humble lament. He is calling His people to weep before Him because their own brokenness and the brokenness of the world around them is so tragically not what it should be. It is only in this true honesty before God that we will find the comfort of His grace and peace and our eventual healing. (Dr. Del Tackett, creator of Focus on the Family’s The Truth Project)
Esther Fleece truly displays the courage of her biblical namesake in this book. Expressing grief, pain, and doubt can be dangerous in our current culture, even in the church. She brilliantly lays out the case for choosing vulnerability rather than inauthenticity and demonstrates how God’s glory is revealed through every aspect of the human experience, including---maybe especially---lament. (Kirsten Haglund, political analyst and commentator, Miss America 2008)
No More Faking Fine is a desperately needed book, helping all Christians who have felt obligated to hide their hurt, pain, grief, and rejection and put on a fake happy face. This book provides a pathway to experiencing the joy and peace that come with being honest with God and with each other about our inner pain and grief. Well done! (Dr. Richard Land, president of Southern Evangelical Seminary)
In this much-needed book, Esther Fleece provides an honest account of her journey toward the biblical practice of lamenting. Learning the language of lament can be difficult, but Esther writes as a friend linking arms and walking alongside the reader in a journey of discovery. The pages of this book are drenched in Scripture, which encouraged my awareness that I am permitted to lament and sharpened my understanding of God and his character. Esther’s undeniable affection for the Bible and her firm hold on what God says in his Word are affirming. She reminds us that when we are in unstable times, we have a firm foundation to turn to in God’s Word. (Lauren Green McAfee, corporate ambassador for Hobby Lobby and third-generation member of the Hobby Lobby Green family)
Esther Fleece has always been a voice of encouragement and hope to me and many others. In No More Faking Fine, she brings hope by courageously pulling back the curtain on her life and guiding us through the valley of tears. The result is a recovery of lament as a form of praise and a pathway to hope. To lament is to bear witness to a God who sees and hears, heals and answers---a God who will one day wipe away every tear and make all things new. (Glenn Packiam, lead pastor of New Life Downtown, Colorado Springs)
Esther Fleece and I have shared many lamenting moments through the years, and I’m thrilled she is now sharing her journey with such honesty and wisdom. Yes, heartache is real, but so is redemption, and on these pages, you’ll see how these two can coexist in a way that feels more like a gift than a cross. (Lynette Lewis, speaker and author of Climbing the Ladder in Stilettos)
About the Author
Esther Fleece is an international speaker and writer on Millennials and faith, leadership, and family, recognized among Christianity Today’s “Top 50 Women Shaping the Church and Culture” and CNN’s “Five Women in Religion to Watch.” As founder and CEO of L&L Consulting, she works to connect influential individuals and organizations to their mutual benefit. You can follow Esther’s global adventures on Twitter @EstherFleece and at www.estherfleece.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
35 of 35 people found the following review helpful.
I loved this book because the title captured my attention
By Katye Balls Riselli
Before I ever read the first page, I loved this book because the title captured my attention. After reading it, this is the book we all need to read, possibly more than once. This is the book that give you permission to admit life is difficult. Esther calls this lamenting – it’s honestly owning the hurt and the emotions that arise as a consequence of that hurt. She shares her own story about growing up with the “Suck it up” mentality and learning to stuff her emotions. Despite fantastic professional success, she was living with deep hurt and had somewhere along the way begun to believe that Christians are supposed to take the hard stuff to God, believe that He makes it better, so get over it, and move on. But the problem with that mentality is that sometimes, we’re just faking it. We’re faking fine, pretending to be ok – because the Bible says we will be, right? – but we’re not okay, and by not admitting it to ourselves or to others, we’ve missed the boat. We don’t feel the healing that God promises us because we haven’t honestly lamented our hurts and allowed for the healing.
Esther offers readers an authentic glimpse at a life of faith. By sharing her own story and journey, she gives readers a language for the raw emotions that we might otherwise try to bury. She honestly and candidly reveals her own discovery of how lament not only renews and restores our OWN faith, but empowers us to help others find restoration as well.
If you’ve spent any time stuffing your emotions or just trying to move forward and get past a hurt of any kind, Esther dedicates an entire section of her book to learning to lament honestly. It’s permission to own your pain, not to wallow in it, but to own it and talk to God about it. Take the time to care for yourself by learning to lament honestly so that you can heal, and you can move on.
“Lamenting is actually a testimony of God’s great love for us. It demonstrates that we have a God who listens to us, a God who hears us, and a God who concerns Himself with every area of our lives, both big and small.” — Esther Fleece, No More Faking Fine
20 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
THE must-read for 2017
By Lindsay C Bryant
We have all been told to "suck it up" or "fake it till you make it" at some point in our lives. Even if we have tried to process thru hurt and grief, people still send the judgmental looks saying "shouldn't you be over this by now". This book is definitely the must read of 2017. In it Esther gives us permission to grieve and lament. Bad things happen and life sometimes sucks and it is ok and even biblical to say that it does. In the days of the Bible, people ripped their clothes and covered themselves in ashes to show their hurt. Today we are being forced to hide it all behind a facade of perfectionism and the "I'm fine" catch phrase. When we are able to admit the hurt, feel the pain, and go thru the process, God enters our laments and walks with us. Esther shows us that "God's grace meets us where we are, not where we pretend to be" and "The Almighty sees our wounds as entry points to do his healing work". This book is life giving and can help any one who has ever been hurt.
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
The journey of lament and the faithfulness of God
By Amy Petz
Esther Fleece has walked a hard and difficult road. In "No More Faking Fine", she takes us on her journey of healing. This journey is one of lament- opening up about the grief, struggles, and difficulties that can keep us fearful and wounded and instead crying out to God. It is a laying out of all our hurts and feelings that we are experience and bringing them to the only One who can redeem them.
I appreciate the openness and vulnerability of Esther in this book. She talks about the importance of lament, forgiveness and community in the process of healing. She points us to Scripture as well as ways to walk toward healing in our own lives. God used this book and the message to aid me on my own journey of lament even though it is much different. I am grateful to Esther for her courage in writing this book and her faithfulness to draw attention to the Savior.
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